CHANGE. In the dictionary, the definition for this word is to make or become different. This word is one the most most scary, exciting and intimidating word in my life. Change is something different. It’s sometimes something that excites me, but it mostly is something that scares me and gives me anxiety and unwanted stress. I don’t do good with “change”, so inevitably when I came back from Italy, I knew that I would be facing one of my worsts fears when I went back to school; CHANGE.
I came back to Bethel on Sunday January, 5th. I moved in all my stuff into my new room with new roommates, new neighbors across the hall and in a totally new building. I was still coming back to the same school, but everything that I had known before at Bethel had changed. I eventually met all of my new roomies and everyone is really nice and part of a friend group that I hadn’t met last year! This is a positive thing to this big change in my life.
The first week back just seemed surreal and not real life. I went home that weekend and home had never felt different. But the week after that, I had started to actually realize that I wasn’t going back to my school in Rome with people that I had gotten to know really well and had called my friends. I was back at my “home” school, a place that was suppose to make me feel right at home and “normal”, but Bethel didn’t feel normal anymore. It really is true that when you leave, things don’t just stop and freeze like you would think. Things had changed at Bethel just like I had changed while I was in Rome.
Coming back from Rome and being away for over 3 months really does change a person. And most people who haven’t experienced this realize it but can’t relate to some of my experiences anymore. They ask how it was and what were some of my favorite memories, but to be honest, everything was my favorite, and you can’t really put into words how it was or what it felt like to be there. You can’t even really put into words what it’s like being back either, but I am giving it a try… I look at things differently now and don’t take a lot of things for granted anymore, like FREE WATER. I praise Jesus every time the waiter just gives us water without even asking! But I have also come to realize that this world is bigger than anyone of us could ever imagine!
“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” I am not going to be able to change Bethel, or the people here, because there is really nothing wrong with it or them. It is I who has changed and is changing everyday. I have this challenge of changing myself everyday since I have come back to America. This is probably one of the most hard things to do. All I want is to be back with my friends in Rome and drinking wine with our pasta or visiting the Trevi Fountain at 2 in the morning. But these things are only memories now and I have to be able to realize this and change my wants. Now, it definitely not a bad thing to want these types of things that are in Rome, but I myself have to realize that if I can’t change the way I am feeling and the situation I am in, I have to change me and my perspective. These things are great memories and great moments of my life and I MOST DEFINITELY not forget any of these moments. Rome will forever be in my heart and the memories I have there will last a lifetime.
I am changing, this world is changing, my school is changing and other people are changing. Change is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to stop it. I am okay with admitting that I am scared of change and I am not best friends with change either, but this will not stop me from being who I am and the new person I have come to be. I do miss Rome and my AIFS family and I do miss the way Bethel was like last year, but this won’t stop me from embracing this moment and realizing the things that are important to me in my life. I am so grateful that I have had this experience to change my perspective and to give me new things to look forward to and new challenges to overcome.
“Sometimes, there are things in our life that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes, change may not be what we want. Sometimes, change is exactly what we need. And sometimes, saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you’ll never have to do, but sometimes, saying hello again is the thing that breaks you down and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible. Sometimes, change is too much to bear. But most of the time, change is the only thing saving your life.”